dress betrayal

I get to wear some beautiful dresses in Les Mis. This one is no exception. It may even be my fave. That being said, it has betrayed me twice thus far. 

The first evil betrayal happened during our very first dress rehearsal. I'm in a few ensemble numbers before I transform from this:

To Cosette:

I just wanted you to see how scary I am before I get to clean up.

Anyway, the first episode was during my first scene transformed into Cosette. Valjean and I have to make a hasty get away in order to not be detected by the antagonist, Javert. During our escape, we run down some tiny wooden stairs. This being our first dress rehearsal, it was also the first time running down wooden stairs (which were slippery at the time) in my rather large dress. 

This gorgeous devil dress blocked my eyes from the first stair and I didn't fully step on said stair. I caught it with the slippery middle section of my shoe which immediately shot my foot in the air in front of me (and consequentially flung off my shoe), and propelled my other foot into to flight along with it. 

With both feet in the air, I could only catch the rest of the stairs with my tailbone. 

THE HORROR!!!!

An expletive was said. Loudly. 

I laid there in shock, in my unwilling snow-angel position, wondering what the damage was. Luckily, my wits came back to me and I hobbled along to the green room where I was greeted by the stage managers and producers. All that could be done for my hurt tailbone and pride was to ice my tush and drug up...with ibuprofen. 

Later, the actor that plays Valjean said he probably could have caught me if it hadn't been for my large dress.

Rachel: 0 Dress:1

The second time (and hopefully the last) happened on an evening I ate a Costa Vida sweet pork salad before the show. Mistake. 

WARNING: TMI ALERT!!!!!!

So after I fall in love with Marius at first sight (see first picture), I get to sing a song about it and about how my life is weird (in a much more eloquent way). As I'm singing the lyrics,

 "This change, can people really fall in love so fast"

My corset pushed out a pork salad gas without my consent! 

DISCLAIMER: MANY PEOPLE FART ON STAGE, OK!!!! STOP JUDGING ME. 

OK, most times, when one is wearing a dress with girth, the petticoat and all the fabric of the skirt protects your need to release from leaking out to the unsuspecting noses of the audience. And on most stages, the audience is much farther away than the audience Hale Centre Theatre. 

After the lyrics above, I sing:

"What's the matter with you, Cosette"

The irony is not lost on me. 

That's also the moment I go sit on a bench directly in front of the front row. 

(I guess the patrons couldn't be bothered to throw away their napkins)

Cue dress betrayal! 

Right when I sat down, the dress released the toxic sweet pork fumes. 

I'm still singing my little song and while I'm singing:

"In my life, there are so many questions and answers that somehow seem wrong"

I hear the murmuring behind me, "What's that smell?!?!"

I DIIIIIEEEEDDDDDD!!!

You guys, it was so rancid. Think sulfuric Yellowstone on speed. 

Not only did they obviously smell it, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw one dude point to me. POINT! HE KNEW IT WAS MEEEEEE!

I hate you, dress. You're supposed to keep all my secrets/flatulence in your beautiful fullness!!!

Rachel: 0 Dress: 2