Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Thank you, and good night

I'm sitting here on my bed staring at all the stuff I brought with me to NYC in 3 bags and a backpack plus the stuff I've accumulated in the past 9 (almost 10) months. Looking at it all, not wanting to attempt to pack the last remaining things, it makes me think about my time here in the city. Specifically, what led me to make the move.  

Two days after I got here, I got called in for a pretty "big" audition and today I was seen again for the same role. It went well, not my best vocally, not my worst, but it was nice bookend to my experience here. Mostly, because it was validation that, given time, I really think I would book something. 

I wish everyone could experience what it's like trying to be an actor here. Let me tell you, it's hard. Harder than I could have ever imagined. You have to hustle and it takes constant energy, especially being non-equity. I can't explain it all, because it's just one of those things that you have to live in order to fully understand. With all the ups and downs, I'm glad I made the scary decision to move across the country. I would have always regretted not at least seeing (since I wasn't doing much with myself anyway). 

However, my dream has never been Broadway. It just hasn't. Yeah, it's nice to think of sometimes. It even seems glamourous (it's not that glamourous). But when I thought about my life, it wasn't necessarily living THAT life. After being here, it solidified that I was right, Broadway still isn't my dream, even if people wished it for me. 

I'm not saying I'll never be back or done performing (that's just silly), but for the time being, this specific chapter is coming to an end. On to the next chapter of life. 

PS. Come see Urinetown at Hale Center Theater Orem May 2-June 15!!!

1 comment:

  1. So, Rachel, thanks for posting this. I've been feeling similarly, asking myself similar questions. I left Utah and came back home to NY for Grad School - and now coming close to a year since graduating and living the insanely difficult non-union actor life in NY - I ask myself "what do I want to DO as an artist?" everyday.
    Rock the house in "Urinetown" and next time I'm in Utah I'll bother you to see where I can watch you perform.