Friday, October 18, 2013

confession: i didn't graduate high school

Until yesterday. Yep. Oh, hey Class of 2013! It should have been Class of 2002 and that's what I would tell people when they asked what year I graduated. Yes, I lied. It was just a lot easier to say, '02, and not have to delve into my whole life story to explain why I didn't graduate with the rest of my senior class. Truthfully, I wasn't extremely proud of the fact and was too prideful to admit it to many people. It's not like I wanted to be like, "Guess what?!?! I'm a big loser who didn't complete general education! Judge me!!!" And I guess since I had been accepted to BYU (who knows how......) I just let people assume I was a normal person who finishes high school before going to college. 

WARNING: YOU MAY BE READING A NOVEL BELOW!!!!

There were many reasons for my high school downfall. One of them being my crazy schooling before high school. I went to regular old public school from Kindergarten to 2nd grade. It was during 2nd grade that my parents joined a polygamist church. That church had a private school that was run by some of the women of the church that was an option for members. So for 3rd grade I was "lucky" and got to go to said private school. The school was a joke. Unorganized, lame, noneducational, and a waste of time/money. After one year of that, I was home-schooled for 4th and 5th grade. This was after my parents divorced (or during, I don't remember) and my mom had to work during the day. My older sister and I not only were supposed to do our school work, but we were also responsible for our baby brother. Needless to say, I didn't really do my school work, (although, I did the crap outta those cursive writing sheets. Loved them!). I remember begging to go back to public school to be with my friends and in 6th grade, it happened.  But, the damage was already done. I had gotten into some bad habits about not doing school work. 

Jr. high I did pretty well. I got A's for the most part and was OK about doing homework. Same goes for the first part of high school. It was probably the second part of my sophomore year that things headed downhill. I became more aware of all the traumatizing things I had been through throughout my life and didn't know how to handle them. The sexual abuse, the religion change, the death of a sibling, the jail time for my dad, the divorce, the multiple bastard step-dads (sorry bout it, but they were bastards.....), the emotional abandonment, etc. Woah! I think the combo of all of that, with the paragraph above, did me in. I didn't care about meaningless homework. I didn't care about going to classes that I didn't like. I didn't really care about anything (except for theater. It's where I could express my repressed feelings and probably why I was so drawn to it. I even think it's why I turned out half way normal, because I could release some of those feelings). 

Now, I can't blame it all on my circumstances. I definitely had choices and I chose poorly. And, I wasn't an idiot either (except with commas  and proofreading and I still am). When I put forth the effort I got A's. I was on the High Honor Roll the first part of high school (hey free Canyons Resort ski pass that I never used!) and I was even in AP classes (English, US History and Calculus) my senior year and did well.....when I tried or went to class. 

Fast forward to the present. 

It had always bugged me that I didn't finish high school. Even though I had a few years of college under my belt (still need to finish college, but one step at a time...). Who doesn't graduate high school?!?! 

Then one day, there was an ad on TV for Stevens-Henager College offering what they called a "Good Neighbor Initiative." Their initiative offered free classes to prep you for and pass the GED. They even paid for the test (it's 120 bucks!). It was a no-brainer. I got online and signed up. 

If you follow my Instagram, you might remember this pic I posted kinda mocking all of the first day of school pics that were happening. In reality, it was my first day of school pic, I just didn't want to say (sorry bout it). It was the first day I was going back to "high school" to finish.  
The college has you take a pre-test to see where you are and what needs some work in order for you to pass. I nailed that thing to the wall, so the instructor just had me take the post-test. Again, NAILED IT! So, they registered me for the big scary GED test without working on any sections. 

NAILED IT!!!! I even got a perfect score on the English section (I did get an A in Freshmen English at BYU so.....) and scored nearly perfect scores on Science and Social Studies. Math, I was right in the average range. It had been a long time y'all....(who still remembers how to find the y-intercept....)

Anyway, it's been a big relief for me to FINALLY have finished high school!!! That huge, nagging, negative monster is outta my brain. Some may ask why I took it if I've already completed some college. Well, I wanted to do it for some self satisfaction and to set an example to my future kids (no, I'm not making any announcement). How can I tell my future little Greggies and Rachies that they need to graduate high school if I didn't do it myself?

It may have taken 11 years, but I did it. And for that, I am proud of myself. 

PS. Major shout out to Mr. G for the encouragement and for putting up with my high school dropout self. He didn't know I was doing it until after I had signed up. 

19 comments:

  1. Listen, I NEVER knew how to find the y-intercept. So you're eons past me. Haha. Congratulations!!!

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    1. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever really knew.....

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  2. AWESOME! I'm proud of you. And...I love that you are the person you are...and those trials suck balls. I hate trials, but I'm really glad you are who you are because of them.

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    1. Thank you so much!!!! I'm glad for my trials too. They definitely have made me who I am.

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  3. Yay! Rachel this is super inspiring. Just makes me want to look back at everything I've unfinished and NAIL IT TO THE WALL!

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  4. You're just great. My story isn't NEARLY that crazy, but it was a huge relief and feeling of satisfaction to finish a year later. Good for you!!

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  5. I don't even know what a y-intercept is. But I am proud of you!

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  6. Wow. I am so grateful for people like you who are willing to be so vulnerable in order to help others see how not alone they are. It takes a lot of courage and self-awareness to do that. You are kind of awesome, lady.

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    1. Thank you so much! It was kinda scary, but I needed to come clean. :)

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  7. Hey rach! Good for you! :) I loved your story! The high school part I could relate with... I didn't graduate either and I took my GED. You really are such a doll..

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  8. Love you sweetie girl! You've been through more than most people go through in a lifetime and not only have you managed to keep it together, but you're amazing, talented, accomplished, and happy. Thanks for sharing this and congratulations, love.
    --This reminds me of something from high school that I still often feel too ashamed to admit. I FAILED my AP english test. I remember sitting there taking the test and just not being able to pull my thoughts together. It was so embarrassing, especially given the fact that I consider that one my strengths.
    I think more people need to tell stories like this. It gives everyone else the courage to stop being ashamed.
    Love you!

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