All most there.....

I'm sitting here in the Denver airport awaiting the final leg of my journey to the promised land, Utah, reading my People magazine about how Sean and Catherine from the Bachelor are doing, naturally. There were different star sighting pics and some of them in NYC. Which, of course, got me thinking of the place I just left. 

There are things I'm definitely gonna miss. And other things that I'm not gonna miss so much.

The Not-So-Much List:

• my nostrils being offended daily (people, find a bush to urinate in, not the subway stations & garbage day in the summer heat waves)
• walking up those 5 flights of stairs to my apartment
• pigeons (the devil's fowl)
• commuting with millions of people
• walking in rain, sleet, snow, heat, times square
• when the A train decides to run local making me late for work
• relying on trains to get me places (I miss driving!)
• grocery shopping (sucks more than you think)
• constant crazies
• concrete everywhere!

The Miss List

• my peeps
• levain bakery
• schmackery's
• shake shack
• pizza
• basically all the food (fatkid alert)
• the vibe
• knowing everyday I step outside I'll return with some story (being yelled at across a subway car by an old homeless man faking an injury when I go to sit in a seat on the opposite side of said subway car, because he wants to sit there)
• central park
• fort tryon park
• the diversity
• the art
• seemless.com
• trader joe's (come on, utah county!)
• my 24-hour bodega
• always having new places to explore/experience
• the shopping!
• the empowerment the city gives 
• the pride of surviving another day in the jungle

There are more things I could add to each list if I went on and on, but I'll spare you. I'm sure I'll reflect more on my time in the city in the weeks to come. Just bare with me. I'm in a mood. 

Thanksgiving in Central Park
One of my favorite New York "moments"

Thank you, and good night

I'm sitting here on my bed staring at all the stuff I brought with me to NYC in 3 bags and a backpack plus the stuff I've accumulated in the past 9 (almost 10) months. Looking at it all, not wanting to attempt to pack the last remaining things, it makes me think about my time here in the city. Specifically, what led me to make the move.  

Two days after I got here, I got called in for a pretty "big" audition and today I was seen again for the same role. It went well, not my best vocally, not my worst, but it was nice bookend to my experience here. Mostly, because it was validation that, given time, I really think I would book something. 

I wish everyone could experience what it's like trying to be an actor here. Let me tell you, it's hard. Harder than I could have ever imagined. You have to hustle and it takes constant energy, especially being non-equity. I can't explain it all, because it's just one of those things that you have to live in order to fully understand. With all the ups and downs, I'm glad I made the scary decision to move across the country. I would have always regretted not at least seeing (since I wasn't doing much with myself anyway). 

However, my dream has never been Broadway. It just hasn't. Yeah, it's nice to think of sometimes. It even seems glamourous (it's not that glamourous). But when I thought about my life, it wasn't necessarily living THAT life. After being here, it solidified that I was right, Broadway still isn't my dream, even if people wished it for me. 

I'm not saying I'll never be back or done performing (that's just silly), but for the time being, this specific chapter is coming to an end. On to the next chapter of life. 

PS. Come see Urinetown at Hale Center Theater Orem May 2-June 15!!!

Handprint on my heart

WARNING: SAPPY ALERT!

I've been known to cry a time or two.....ok, at everything and anything. Tonight I cried because I was deeply grateful for my friends. Specifically today, my NYC friends. 

(Here come the waterworks again....)

As I was on the long A (double meaning) train ride home from work, I had my earbuds in--like you do to block out the crazies that are on said train with  you--listening to some tunage. My tunes are always on shuffle (unless I need a Beyonce fix and who doesn't) and "For Good" from Wicked shuffled into my ears. With nothing to do, I actually paid attention to the lyrics. Bad idea. 

Guys, the tears poured outta me like the monsoon we had today poured outta the clouds. Adding another embarrassing subway experience to my list. 

Starting from day one in the city, my friends have been my saving grace. From calling me up to give me a job (thanks, Cy) to organizing a game night in my honor (thanks, Preston), I knew that first day, that I was going to be taken care of. It was such a relief to know that the friends I thought I had, were indeed my pals. 

During my journey, I've been able to reconnect with longtime friends, grow closer, and make new buddies (not to be confused with Buddy aka. Chancho). 

So, I guess this post is a great big THANK YOU to all the wonderful, beautiful and genuine people I love in this great big city. Thank you for taking me under your wings and being a support system in place where one can feel lost. Words will never be enough to describe the impact you've have had on my life. Yes, for good (cheesy, I know). 

Is my mascara running?!?!

My boys

NBD

Obviously, I've been a little absent. It's not that I haven't thought about writing, I just haven't been particularly inspired....and maybe I've been a little lazy. Sue me. There's a lot that's been happening, but something things are better kept to myself for the time being.

But this, I gotta write about. 

Remember how I said Bernadette Peters is really inspirational to me? Well, tonight, I got to witness her live for the first time. Best part about it, I had no idea it was gonna happen.

I worked an event that was hosted by TDF (Theater Development Fund) honoring a man named Phillip Smith and celebrating 40 years of TKTS (yay for discounted tickets!!!). Our buddy, Phil, is the chairman for the Shubert Organization. Basically, he is a really big cheese in the theater world.  

Anywho, I get to work and we have a little meeting to discuss what our tasks are before the event begins, then we break to do our set-up assignments. As I'm walking with all my shiz in my hands, I notice someone is doing a sound-check on the little stage. I see a mass of curly red hair and it hit me: 

"Holy hell, that is freaking Bernadette!"

Here is that part that gets a little embarrassing--I got misty. Immediately. I nearly went full fan-girl. It caught me by such surprise that she was there and singing right then, that I just cried a wee bit. 

Now, I don't really get starstruck. I've only been starstruck one other time and that was with Audra (also embarrassing behavior). But, there she was, the woman that makes me want to perform beyond what I think I'm capable of every time I watch her GIVE IT singing Rose's Turn. And, heeelllloooo, let us not forget Lily in Annie!!!

Being the staff of the event, we were supposed to be "off the floor" during the program, but I was definitely gonna find a place to watch/be a creeper. 

When I went to go up to the second floor to observe, I opened a door to go upstairs and guess who was sitting on the stairs. Yep, Bernadette. We locked eyes, I panicked and turned around to find other stairs. Curse my shyness!

After finding another staircase, I found a great spot with some of my fellow creepers to watch her songs. Of course she was awesome and nailed it, but as she was singing, a thought came to me: 

Even big time Broadway stars, do random little performances that they probably don't rehearse very much and maybe don't even want to really do. 

With that, the whole thing became no big deal. NBD, guys, NBD.



Still totally geeking out. Shhhh!

Happy VD (hee hee)

I'm here. Promise. Just living and soaking up the city. I've been out (more like in) with friends and taking time to enjoy myself, hence my absence. 

Anywho, today I got home from work and came across an early Valentine's Day surprise!

Don't mind me being a creeper in the mirror....

Mr. G sent me all manner of delicious treats, a card with a buddy on it, coordinated with my roommate Andy to get those beautiful roses, and a mouth guard. 

That's right, a mouth guard. 

He is more than aware of my fear of my teeth falling out (having been with me when I don't want to do something because of said fear), so he got me a bubble gum flavored mouth guard to help me be more brave and not worry about my teeth being knocked out.  

That is love people.

Love is also when someone will be seen with you in public looking like this

Fitting my mouth guard

I hope you all have a special day tomorrow and know that you are loved by the "special" girl above. 


PS. Anyone want to help me eat some of this candy...?

Chorus girl

After a dance call back today, I realized a chorus girl, I am not. 

I'm not saying I'm "too good" for the ensemble. In fact, I think that is a cushy job. No presh. What I mean is, I'm not a good enough dancer to be a chorus girl a la 42nd Street. 

Yes, I can move and have some control/coordination over my limbs, but I'm just not the girl that can kick her face in three inch heels and do fifty spins without getting dizzy and losing her lunch. Not happening. I'm all about faking it in the face with some charm and personality, but I'm pretty sure I'm not fooling too many behind the table....

Singing chorus girl? Sign me up! I will hit those high Cs at the end of big production numbers no prob.

Just don't ask me to do it while kicking my face.  

(I will give some fierce hairography a la Beyonce)

Sunday Confessional: Fears

Since this year I'm trying to get over my fears, I thought I'd share some of the irrational ones. Here we go:

• My teeth falling out/breaking off/pushed out etc. I don't know where this stems from. Maybe from the fact that I don't have dental insurance right now (starving actor), but I have dreams about all of the above all the time! Also, it could be because I was present at the time my dear Syd lost her front tooth. I was the only witness and it was hysterical and traumatizing all at the same time. She placed her newly freed tooth in her palm and showed it to me. Nightmares ever since. 
• Adventure sports. Mostly because of the paragraph above. I'm not too afraid of falling (off of a cliff, yes), but I'm afraid for my teeth. Hence being a wuss about wake boarding, TUBING (most certain to knock out my teeth), mountain biking...you get the picture. I'm down to try these things, but I just might be a little scaredie. And require a mouth guard. 
• Sauces. Especially ones that have been out for a little while and have mayo in them. Don't ask me to explain this one. There is no logic involved. They just weird me out. 
• Child birth. Pretty sure this is legit. I definitely want kids, but the thought of physically getting them here, TERRIFYING! Bring on pregnancy, great. Just keep the baby in there or find me a way to teleport it out. I don't want it to come out the way it's been done for centuries. Bodies are gross!

Now that I want to suck my thumb in the fetal position thinking about all of these horrible things, I need to make some cookies for a Super Bowl party. Which in all actuality is gonna be some of this:

While we wait for the Beyonce concert. 

Go '49ers!


PS. I'm on this if you care